You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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