I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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