Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
