I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
