Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
