I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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