I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
