Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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