Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
