I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
