Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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