If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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