Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
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Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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