I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
