I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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