areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize