I will die if light touches me.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
