It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
