I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
