ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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