Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
