Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
