Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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