That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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