I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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