I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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