Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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