Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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