i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
