I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
