I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
