well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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