she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
