Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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