I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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