Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
