One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
