thus making me awesome and them whores
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
