Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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