I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
