What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
