I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
