New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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