My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
