I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
