I wish life had little blips of pornography
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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