you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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