i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We have so much sex to catch up on
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
