i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dick very happy bro
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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