What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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