Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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