youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
