Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
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I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
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Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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