The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
