dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
