We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
