no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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