There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
