I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
