just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
