Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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