My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
