come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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