I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
