I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
