I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
