Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
