first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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