The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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