I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
