In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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