Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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