I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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