so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
